Perseverance Vs Determination

We are always taught to be patient and calm. 

We are always taught to say RIP my dreams I am a wife/daughter in law / mother now. 

Yes I am a mother and I have no complaints in loosing my two valuable years of my career 

but I never want to a bad example to my daughter and I never want her to think that this is how a women should lead her life 

Very less women are blessed with parents who are confident enough to tell her that - 'Go chase your dreams'  

Yes I had this super cool mom n dad who never said NO when I said I wanna work or I wanna do my PG or I said I had a break up and finally when I said I wanna marry some1 whom I think s ideal for me. 

For me I always had this support system when I went for my first interview/ when I wanted that seat for MBA when I lost my ammuma. 

Now when I look back I am actually just thinking did I have that magic support when I called up and said I am the only one who didnt qualify for the HR interview from a group of some 40 students, when I said my Uncle who I loved like my father passed away, when my parents where mad at me for some reason, When I said I just wanna go a trip to celebrate the new beginning, When I said I am scared to go back to a house where they never wanted me, when I said I just need to check if I am pregnant, when my baby was born, when I just wanted a 10 minutes proper conversation, NO and its a big NO. Then I think its time for me to be determined and just understand that life is gonna soon get sucked so be determined and there is no magicians in my life any more who WILL GUIDE me so GET UP AND GET A LIFE!  

Life after Death

Got up and saw I was dead :P Strated laughing cing ma body lying down in a nonsensical way (shit I sleep like this? ) :P

N then I saw Yama devan .. I said Hi n he asked me -So ready for the long drive? there was two trucks one a small white cute one and a huge yellow truck and saw many inside and among them was a handsome boy with a green t-shirt which I could never miss :P So before I could get inside I was given a questionnaire which I had to fill n the it read "Your feedbacks on- The life On Earth"  Mr.Yaman gave me a table n Chair n asked me 2 fill it with an open mind - the questions 

1. Your Date of death :P 

2. How was your life on earth (it sucked , it sucked big time, it was ridiculous ) 

3. How many did u hurt (1-10,  10-20, 50 - 100 , cant count) 

4. How many did u kill using ur bad words (1-10,  10-20, 50 - 100 , cant count) 

5. Wat do u love more (ur mobile , ur laptop) 

6. Things which you love doing ( FBing , etc) 

7. Food, Water & shelter – you had them all ? Yes No

8. Now tell me where do you fit (Hell or Mini Hell) 

Gave ma answer sheet to Mr.Yaman n he said ' Oh God absolute waste of time :P 

Ok gal welcome to hell' Got into the yellow truck and there I saw a bunch of plp really mad and the background scrore was "GET READY TO GET FRIED YE YE YE YE" 

Ammumma - Grandma

The most irritataing person during my school days :P

I was sharing my room with her and she did a good job in eating my head :) For her the most important person in our family was my Dad and she was shit scared of him :P
The Job which she loved doing was to cook rice from outside. In the era of pressure cooker & gas stove she was the only one in my world who loved making rice in the hand made stove out of rock & steel vessel. Everyday morning she will come and ask my mother "njan appam choru veka alle" if my mother says a No it was like a bad day for her because that was the only happening thing in her life. I can still picture the way she sits in front of that fire checking whether the fire is enough for the rice to get cooked.
Since I was not a great student in school for me studying only happened during exam time. Scoring decent marks was the only aim. So during exam time i use to keep studying late night and she keeps asking me to switch off the light not becauase she was getting distrubed but electricity was like her second son :P

That was the time I was a fan of MTV Roadies & when mom n dad goes to office my honeymoon period to watch TV gets a life.For her watching MTV was sinful because in that according to her girls never wear clothes and boys kept touching girls. She starts her commentary and keeps asking me to watch some news channel. One day I got pissed off and I still remember keeping a telgu news channel just to make her wish come true (news channel). She coudnt understand a single word but was curiously watching. I went off and when I came back I asked her did u understand and she replied "ya but this news reader was way too fast and she didnt knw to how to speak malayalam" I couldt control my laugh but told her "c this is why I am telling we should never watch news during day time". I am sorry ammumma for fooling you on that day ....

For her I never knew how to take bath and keeps saying "korachu enna techo mudilu" . I was the motta in family with terrible lookinh hair style and brow hair. For her my sisters hair was perfect which use to be long - strong and black (the mallu hair ). I hate applying oil and I use act asif I am applying oil in front of amma. One day I didnt close the bathroom door while taking a hair bath and still remember that two eyes which was staring at me through the door. Who else other than my ammumma can do such an act. I screamed and gave her a  blast and asked her why she had to do such a uneathical act becoz I was in 8th and during that time sme1 cing us naked is smething which we can never digest.  And for that her reply was "i just wanted to check whether you are taking a proper hair bath". Now for that ammumma I must say i still dont knw and I knw from heaven u wil be saying "sho ee peninnu epazhum kulikaan ariyilla :P "

We keep fighitng the whole day for some silly things escpecially during my study holidays but I never use to miss giving you my tea which u loved. I knw u still love it :) . You are the person who tauhgt me to make black tea and I am greatful to you for that :)

Amma use to ask ammumma whther I was really studying and so making her believe that I am studying was my tough task which was actually not that tough. I kept reading bla bla bla and she use to think I am studying :P

The best friend of her was Pathumma. Pathu had a ear problem and could hear only partially but ammumma n pathu use to gossip abt others excellently and me n amma use to wonder how they communicate.

I am thankful to you for giving me my wonderful dad & ever loving uncles. Will keep you in my prayers.  I know you are smiling from there.

Super man turns into a super common man

This is the case with the many (exceptions are there in my family)

Men goez behind a girl singing the song "I can love you like no1 can, I can be your superman .....She starts her homework of making him understand the basics of life like"marriage s not a simple game", "you will have to build your career first", "we will have to face the opposition from our parents" but for all these womenly thoughts men makes her keep quiet by saying "me hu na"... n gal starts singing the song for herself in the background. If he comes under the bracket of "bad boys" then she has to do hard work because the ultimate aim is to make the world praise about him. 

I feel that till the time a women falls for a boy she is intelligent & sensible  and once a boy gets into her life all the intelligence in her right or left part of the brain transfers into the center part of his so called brain. So what I mean s men are all foolish until he falls for a girl & women go retarded once she fall for a guy.. 

Man makes a gal fall for her by his super natural "care" & "love" which he over-floats making her feel "this is the guy". Here what happens is her expectations about him will be up in the 20th floor. She customizes her mind and communicates to her brain "now dnt think too much" .And now the game begins ..

When a  man calls his girl when she s surrounded by friends the full crowd will say "wow luk how much he care 4 u" but when women does the same thing then its a "disturbance"  

He says you are my best & nothing more than you and then when she gets serious abt him he says "concentrate on your career this s not child play" The same guy who says he loved the silence they shared over phone says that the silence is something which irritates him the most. 

This s life .. So here what you have to do is frm a normal gal u be a super woman who never thinks so much..
Find happiness in small things .. Never forget to smile ... & be with people who can understand You and can cheer you up :) Nothing is going wrong give some time to the time :P

You can never stop loving him becoz one day you knw that he will turn back into a superman ..
Love is to wait till he gets bald n say "shit I never thought that we will make it this large" 

Its never too late to lock the room

In your house of life some rooms should be locked up forever ...

You wait n wait for the light to brighten it up but then you get sinked in the darkeness ......

Then one day will come when you realise that you have to get up & walk all by yourself...........

Knowing that the room is filled with negative thoughts & darkness ...........

Paint My Memories

I love the way memories get captured into this small device .....
I cant paint , but you make ma Job simple but painting all those beautiful people around me...
Have no idea on how you works  .... but  just love painting people through You.......
Can never get bored If you are there and you are loaded with pics...

So many times I have thought "why the fuck I dnt have You with me "
I know that I cant afford U, but its not keeping me away from buying..

I am already in Love with You ....Welcome to my life :)

Why You

You proposed me one mid-night and said "I thought you knew that I was in love with you"

From that day You make me believe that hubbys can be best friends with no ego or bossiness .........

You will not mind getting me a drink if I want to get sloshed but will make sure that I reach home safely ....

You fight with me really hard but make sure to support me if we are in a crowd ........

You can tolerate my insane Jokes but can never tolerate my tears........

You can travel with me for no reason but can never move around when a world cup match is being telecatsted ......

You Will ride the bike rashly even if I am sitting behind making me believe that bikes are more important than me & bike will remain a tough competition in ma life......

You dnt mind eating up my full KFC when you are really hungry without even asking me whether I want...........

You keep advicing me on how I should cook but will say it was awsome when i make something really simple..

You keep saying that you are gonna change making me realise that men can never change ...

 Now any1 want anymore reason for WHY I AM WITH YOU :)

The Only Reason Was Drugs :P :P

Jigala was Sapuluz strange friend whom she thought was addicted to drugs when she met him :P
Drugs that was the only things which attracted her towards him :P not becoz she was addicted to drugs but she along with her best friend (chunomoyi) thought it was their duty to give company to people getting addicted to drugs so that he will come out of depressions or whatever situation he is undergoing.... 


So they were on mission but then Chunomoi  had another boy (soka)  in class who came to the college only becoz of her (not love n all) so she had to spent time with him .. Soka kept advising Chunomoi on basic things like "how to stay happy", "how to stop worrying about things which she cannot control" bla bla ..... Then since Sapulu wanted to break the ice with Jingala she went and started talking to him .. but Jingala kept listening to sad songs like "I am lonely , anjale n all ... then Since Sapulu had also just recovered from one break up she thought it was better to stay away ....

One day in between class Jingala sent a message to sapulu saying "gals are the reason for all break up" Sapulu got mad and sent a reply blasting him not to generalize on things .. From that day Jingala started talking to Sapulu ...

My Sister

On the way to school she was explaining to shebachechi how much excited she is about going to hostel .. I was as usual listening to her without understanding the dream world they were talking about...

The day came and amma,acha n eachi  was busy filing the Cream color suite case which acha got for Gulf Bazar. I was running around the house excited about going for a trip in the hired JEEP. .. We all got in and started the drive to the great Vimala College .. Though I dont remember the Journey I can still hear my acha advising my sis on how she should behave and how she should concentrate on studies ..... We finally reached and started unloading the luggage .. After my achan was done with advising my sister and my mom just staring at her not able to express what she was feeling  we said bye to her and got back into the vehicle .. I jumped in2 the jeep 2 occupy the side seat because while coming I had a fight with sis .. But she never came in .. She stood there with her eyes filled with tears and the Jeep started moving .... And then I asked amma why she is not coming and then she just said "I told you right she is going to stay in hostel"  Yes @ times though we get a lecture on certain things it will only sink into your heart only when it happens .. N yes I felt that .. Came back crying and thinking now how is that gap in our home gonna get filled without her .. Then came those days communicating over phone .. Since it was not a mobile era and the STD charges were super high me and amma went by evening 7 to the Booth (7-8.30 was the only time when we could call her to the hostel land-line)  We use to dial n dial n dial since it use to come busy because that was the only connection for the entire students in the hostel .... Sometimes we get her on line and sometimes we go back without the line getting connected ..   Now we can call any1 any time but I never have time for anything ...I wish I still had the patience to wait till the call gets connected and I could live without complaining much ....Love You eachi

Dream

I always dreamed about living a double XL life with you .....
Even if we dont have a 2 storied building I dreamed to live in a small room where we can fight around &
a kitchen where I can do all my trial and error methods on you
Though not a home theater but a place where we can play our own film with U being the hero n the villain & me the heroine  
A place Where we keep following our dreams & where we don't have to answer any1 .....
When on evenings I can just rest upon your shoulder listening to your stories or just understanding your silence....
Where I can hold you when I am about to fall....
It was never be a perfect place to live with lighting's but a dark tunnel which we can brighten up showing how we support each other ......
I just wish you had the confidence to come & stand with me to fight around not leaving me alone

Bangalore Through My Lens

To fall in love with a place where you dont have many frnds around is like dancing in a stage without music ...

But this place taught me some interesting lessons about me which I would have never learned when I am surrounded with people..........

When you move to a new city you carry a baggage full of dreams .......Even I did the same mistake ... 

When I shifted 2 a small room where even sunlight was minimal my life started taking a different phase.. The A/C city of India which can make any1 lazy in the early morningz .....

This city is gorgeously green & extremely crowded with vehicles. The huge malls which always had a Thrissur Puram effect, The roads which is always packed with luxury vehicles and half of the people sitting in the drivers seat without knowing how to turn the vehicle around ..

Moms who doesnt even have time to cook foe their children .. Dads who sinks into his pc browsing for hours ..Every wants to spent time with their friends & family but for that there is always "NEXT WEEK yaar" ..

Here going out means either watching a movie or clubbing .............It was like a tornado for me :P

Yes life changed .. there was hick-ups during the beginning but now I am trying to get absorbed in it ....

here people are always in a hurry .. n if u dnt value ur time people dnt value U........
  

Understanding myself is the toughest part in my life & now  I am exploring that tough lesson .. How do I react when I come back home after a tiring day with no1 t share wat all happened .. how do I react when I stand @ 10 pm in the bus stand wondering whether I will get a bus or not.... and how I can bluff to ma parents that "ya mom I am almost there" when I havent even started from my office ... How hard I can fight with the Auto guys who charge for a world trip .. n how I get lost in those gud memories when I am sitting in ma desk with shit loads work ...

N yes how can I miss you in this .. how hard I fight with you even if U call me 3 times a day :P Yes the only chapter now I should memorize is this "dnt fight with him"

Falling in love with this place .......... The climate .. new faces .. new life style .. everything ... Now cant imagine going back .............. 

Whatz Happening ??????????

Its not like before ..........
It use to be Lovely where We never needed anything around to make it perfect.......
Now I find it difficult to fill the gap when He is around ..........
The emptiness drives me crazy and tears walks In .......
Had a million plans but now I sit here with my hand in the keyboard finding it difficult to express what I exactly feel .................. 
Break the silence...........  

Waiting For The Sunrise :)

Waiting for the sun to rise after a very long time .......

Will this add one more page to ma wall of memories ..

Will ma eyes overflow ............

Will the time stop so that I can rewind it till my heart beats  ........

Coloring The Sky

Darkness of the Night brings me closer to your thoughts!
Travelling long way gazing @ the sky and feeling the breeze ....
Taking the promise from $tar$ that - Take care of all I love..
They smile & assures me the same by winking @ me ...
Starts coloring the sky with the best memories of life ..
It starts showing reflections of people whom we love to be with ...

I wish If I could paint more ............ 

I am no Cindrala

Love is to hold hand and walk In rain giving a damn 2 d world staring

Love is not when things happen perfectly but its when U work out things perfectly 

Love is when U have time for a cup of coffee in D couch even if U work 24 hours a day 

Love is when U can listen 2 all D crap stories even when U dont understand a word 

Love is being perfect D way he wants U 2 be ... 

It is 2 fight understating D fact that things would not be perfect 

Love is when U avoid questions becoz U doesn't want him 2 Lie 

For Me Love was U but now only D memories :)

If U were not sure of starting a Life then even I doubt whether You really loved me ??? Was it all because U were All alone and was heart broken .. For me D day I said "I do Love" standing near the hostel window over phone , I had started living with U :) But from that Day U started going far ... Not Your mistake ... Its because I never Loved U D way U wanted me 2 Love ............

Perfect love stories never has a beautiful end and I am no Cindrala !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relationships

Some stay with us making us realize that there was always a "Past " which made our "present" so beautiful ..

Some just slips away giving us memories which keeps running in our mind as our favorite movies  ....


And then we try hard to forget some but bounce back with much stronger images and they becomes a part of our life which would have taught us gud lessons in life.......


All of them are important for us since they are all the onez who made us what we are now .......


But then you are the one who brings out the best in me and I can say this is the bestest relationship which I ever had with any1 .. there are a million memories & I knw that there are more to come :) 

A Letter to Ganesha :)

Ganesha or Ganapathy

You are the one who answers my prayers alwayz and makes me fell super cool :) Remember the time when I came with a coconut and tried breaking it for about 3 times in your temple .. That namboori said always i broke in a different angle and it was a bad omen and finally decided not to break anymore coconuts from then .... 

School days were terrible because it was difficult to make it to my friends standard.... every1 were too gud in studies ... But I asked for a decent 550 and you gave me what I asked for ... 

The next time when I flunked in Math during +2 I asked you to make my report card in green and not red so that my Dad will not be embarrassed to collect it from my principal and instead he can get it from my class teacher who was sweet and you did that so easily .. I use to wonder how my class teacher missed to mark my report card that day. All my friends got a red report card and it made a Deepawali week in their home and me enjoying listening to their stories every day ..... 


How can I miss this ... To get ma sis married to her love :) 

The next was to get a Job before I completed my Degree for bla bla bla and even you did that for me and was able to give the best birthday gift to my mom ! 

Then to get admission in a Gud college for MBA and even that you did ........   

Then wanted Jaggu to get placed and that happened and Now I am working in a platform which I loved to work !!!!!!!!!!!

Now Ganesh since you have done almost everything I asked for.. I love you and your Family !! Was a little mad and had broken my promise which I had given You when I got a 550 for sslc but Will be Good from now ON :) :) :) Be with all of us :) :) 

Short Film !!!!!!!!! Flash Back

Aksha got up from her bed and saw that she was late for her office !!!!! Finally dressed and rushed into the first bus and got settled in the seat and turned on her  mini- stereo (mobile) got into the music world. She just wanted to get distracted and hence was not particular about the song and hence the old track from Taal - nahin saamne .. though it was not the right time to listen to such kind of a track being lazy to open the cover and change the track she ended up listening to the same .. She fell asleep and dreams started flashing in .. His name was Druv and was walking towards her and he wanted to tell something very important .. wearing a blue jeans and a white t-shirt with a half done smile .. and to add a little more spice it was drizzling !!! Aksha sat there watching him and he came took her hand and said now I am not gonna leave you alone just be mine !!! tears rolled out from her eyes and the silence spoke it all.. he kissed on her forehead and they walked along the rain .... suddenly she got up listening to the conductor screaming on her ears and understood the fact that she has reached her destination1 and pulling herself away from the dream she got into the second bus to reach her final destination.. here Aksha called Druv to explain the dream which actually had made her day but instead of that she said all the nonsense which was running through her mind .. She knew that he was not doing good and he has his own priorities but she wanted to hold him back by sandwiching him in her own world .. She knew that she was not doing any good to him ... at times silence and time is what the other end needs and hence she gave a pause and went into the dark cloud where he could never reach her !!!!!!!!

Clouds and Life

Shapeless but beautiful
Cluttered but unique
Uncertain but thrilling

I always feel that clouds are like us who try to cover up things and makes the world get confused over what they really are ...

A U turn again :)

Now this is a big jump which I have taken in my life. Being in a world which is easy and simple is what as a gal from Kerala I should think about .... but for me again it was giving a try to attach wings into ma dreams :)

Came back with a baggage full of hope n anxiety .... First day in office and as usual I HAVE TO BE LATE .. but this time there was a twist in the story .. no1 is there and the door was closed .. called up ma boss (I had  a doubt whether they have shut it down becoz . I am the queen of uncertainties and there has to be some problem if I am there around ) .. he said he wil be there in 10 min and I started waiting .. went down bought two books and finally one of ma college came to open d door :) The smallest office which I have worked ever in my life :) But it was cute and nice :) there was a stereo in one side and even speakers connected which made me feel like my CUP OF COFFEE :) Lets c what happens :)